I got lots of positive feedback regarding the article on the five love languages, so I would like to add another dimension to  wonderful life lesson about love.

A few weeks back I had the privilege of being involved in organizing a women’s convention in Sydney and invited a  guest speaker, Mrs. Esther Friedman, from Kansas, USA.  I was so inspired by her talks and wanted to share what I have learnt from Mrs. Esther Friedman,  a specialist in Temperament Theory.

The Temperament theory teaches us about self-improvement, parenting effectively and having richer relationships with our spouse. Through the Temperament Theory we learn about and understand  four types of people,all who are in our life. Most of us have a bit of all these types, but we all shine in one area. The four types are: the Guardian, Artisan, Idealist, and Rational. These four types of people are in our life every day and we need to understand them better so we don’t get into conflict. These four types affect our deep understanding of our spouses, children, and ourselves.

The Guardian is very concrete, does what is right, is very responsible and dependable. The  Guardian is one who seeks security, and needs clear behavioural expectations and consistent enforcement.

The Artisan is very concrete, does what works, is bold, very adaptable, and seeks stimulation, this types of person responds well to immediate gratification.

The Idealist is abstract, does whats right, is very empathetic and authentic, they seek unique identity, and enjoys learning life lessons and discussing emotional growth opportunities.

The Rational is abstract, does what works and is very smart. They are independent and seeking knowledge. They desire to know the reasoning behind actions.

  • As a spouse, the Guardian is a helpmate, very concerned, prizes gratitude, appreciation, and wants to be honoured. Around 40% of the population is a guardian, and that includes the teachers, social workers, emergency responders etc.
  • As a spouse, the Artisan, is a playmate, is very excited, loves new exciting experiences and  enjoys travel. They also want to show they are not vulnerable. The Artisan is a playmate, prizes generosity. They want to be invulnerable.
  • As an Idealist, this spouse is enthusiastic, prizes recognition, and wants to have meaning in their life. They are the hopeless romantic, always searching for meaning and love.
  • The Rational is a mindmate, calm, prizes deference and wants to be wise. They love when you ask their opinion and can guide you with thier knowledge.

The Artisan and the Guardian for example make a good pair as they balance each other out.

The Torah tells the Guardian: “Who is honoured? He who honours others, even those that you do not think deserve honour.” Every person deserves honour by virtue that they were created in the image of G-D.

To the Artisan, the Torah says, “Who is strong? He who subdues his evil inclination.” Meaning, focus more on the spiritual experience, less on physical things, experiences and ideas. Life is not only about collecting things, physical gifts and experiences.

To the Idealist the Torah says: “Who is rich, he who is happy with his lot.” You will never find enough meaning , enough fulfillment and and enough romance….stop searching for the perfect meaning in life, relationships, etc. Be happy with what you have found as meaning and nurture that, enjoy what did find. You cannot search your entire life and miss out on what you already have, you must enjoy the beautiful things in life that you have already found, your relationship included.

To the Rational the Torah says: “Who is Wise? He who learns from all people”. The Rational must learn to appreciate all types of people and learn from all types of people, not just those who they revere and look up to on account of their wisdom. All people can teach us something.

As far as the Five Love Languages go, most people would love to receive any of these five love languages from their spouse, parent etc:

Time, words of affirmation, touch, gifts, or acts of service.

Most people prefer one or two, but some love all five!

For example, if you are a “words of affirmation” person, you will want your spouse to tell you how wonderful you are, and how much they appreciate you, rather than, perhaps getting flowers. You can read more about this on my previous blog on the Five Love Languages.

If we compare the Temperatment Theory with the Five Love Languages, then we notice that:

The Guardian loves appreciation, “words of affirmation” for their “acts of service.” Give them the appreciation they crave and need. It costs nothing but gives them everything. Say it with words rather than with flowers. (If you did give flowers, write a nice long card!)

The Artisan loves Gifts,  (giving or receiving), of all types. They love experiences, just imagine if you gift them an experience, like an adventure or outstanding exhilarating activity in nature etc.

The Idealist loves recognition, which would also include  “words of affirmation” or “time” itself, perhaps in a romantic setting, like a candlelit dinner.

The Rational, loves “time” to connect with their mindmate, perhaps learning together and exploring new texts and ideas.

If we understand which category of love our spouse or child loves most, we can increase that area of love and bond more effectively.

These are just ideas, and most people would appreciate a little of each, but ONE love language or TWO is what they prefer MOST.

I hope you enjoyed this and look forward to hearing you ideas to expand this list.

Have a happy and sweet new year and may you be inscribed in the book of LIFE!